by Adam Davis

As a parent, how can I encourage my children to challenge themselves and overcome that voice of self-doubt and anxiety if I, as an individual, am not willing to do the same in my own life?

We are all unique, and while we may have our challenges, do we want to be remembered for our disabilities, or for the way we choose to participate in life?

For me, I choose to participate in life.

My own mental health has created many challenges, and some dark periods in my life after I acquired my spinal cord injury.

My injury did not trigger the mental health struggles in my life, they were present before. My injury gave them a reason to continue. Loneliness and being lost in life post SCI helped fuel and exploit these mental health challenges.

Now I have teenage children who share similar challenges.

Social anxiety is now talked about as one of the biggest hurdles young people face. I feel my previous experiences now allow me to assist and guide my children with a unique perspective on life.

I found living with an SCI often gave me an excuse to exploit some of my previous anxieties and stresses in life, and redirect it due to the frustration in my own life living with an SCI. This is not a healthy way to live, or to maintain relationships with friends and loved ones.

Becoming a C5 incomplete quadriplegic at 35 wasn’t part of my life plan!

Prior to my SCI I told myself my life was great, that I was working towards everything I wanted from life and wanted to be. In reality, I was scared of being found out as being a fraud. I wasn’t happy in myself or in my life. I hid from life, and my responsibilities. I wasn’t living a life that was truthful to myself. I was lost as a person many years prior to my SCI.

The interesting thing about life is the corners you cut, the discussions you avoid having with others, and the accountability you avoid as a person. These all find a way to haunt you. These cut corners all began to unravel in my life after I left rehab.

Prior to my SCI I avoided or made excuses to not participate in various activities. I avoided joining pilates for years prior to living with an SCI, as I felt intimidated by joining a group I assumed would be mostly female, and the stigma (perceived) of a tradesperson participating in such an activity. Post SCI I attended many sessions for 2-3 years and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Post SCI I avoided joining a local table tennis training session held most Sundays five minutes from home, as the thought of attending made my anxiety levels increase beyond a comfortable level. Eventually I attended, using my 12 year old son as my safety blanket, in March 2024. Now we attend most Sundays.

I have realised living with an SCI has enabled me to find reasons not to do or not to attempt certain things in my life.

For the last couple of months I’ve been attempting to turn the tide on this thinking.

I now have eight years of data in my head regarding what I have done; what I’ve achieved living with an SCI. I have 43 years of data regarding living life.

Am I:

Adam Davis, living with a disability?

Adam Davis the 43 year old incomplete quadriplegic?

Adam Davis 43 with 20 years of commercial air-conditioning experience?

Adam Davis, husband, father, son, friend?

Adam Davis who loves old cars?

Answer:

Does it really matter if I am one or all of these, all of which I have often cycled between on different days, months, years?

Am I lucky? I don’t believe in luck. I do believe in timing.

Am I unique? Everyone is unique.

Am I perfect? Far from it.

Have I made mistakes? Too many to mention.

What sets me apart from others? Nothing, as I am constantly learning with and from others of all ages, beliefs and backgrounds.

Once we have an SCI we often become obsessed with our physical (or lack of) physical attributes. This isn’t surprising, as mainstream society has led us to believe that this is what makes us who we are.

We often view our pre-SCI body or life through rose coloured glasses. I definitely did this at times. I do not recommend letting this thinking take over, as it’s extremely destructive.

Life has led me down many paths while living with an SCI:

• Marriage breakdown
• Parenting as a 50/50 single parent
• Dating in the digital world with an SCI
• Remarrying
• Going through IVF
• Navigating parenting challenges, including teenagers dating
• Becoming a new parent at 43 with an SCI, and teenagers

Changing jobs numerous times in an attempt to find: work life balance, a career that is fulfilling, and working with people and companies that share similar values to myself

Recently I was made redundant from my role in the air-conditioning industry as an account manager. Timing led me to accept a job as an air conditioning Technician (a hands-on role). This is a huge achievement I never thought would be possible.

My previous employer refused to let me fulfill this ambition as they felt the OHS risk was too large. This isn’t the first time my employer has used my disability as an excuse to say no when I’ve requested similar opportunities to others.

Due to my understanding of my body, and my desire to prove to myself that living with a disability does not have to limit all of my personal and professional desires, I choose not to accept when others attempt to make decisions regarding my body, and my future.

Why am I writing this?

I like to engage with others, and assist or mentor when possible. My desire to Mentor is how I originally connected with AQA, and many people within this wonderful community, by volunteering as a mentor.

I am a strong believer that as humans, when we have a clear, healthy headspace, we can achieve many great things in life, regardless of disabilities, deformities, or other injuries and challenges that life relentlessly throws our way.

I hope my story helps others to focus less on the disability, and more on what and how we can achieve great things for ourselves, and our loved ones.

I believe life is the sum of all prior experiences.